


/silverfuck

by Pearly_Pornography



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bullying, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/M, High School, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Harm, Slurs, Third Wheels, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, barbara is creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 14:47:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16243853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearly_Pornography/pseuds/Pearly_Pornography
Summary: The Reynolds family just moved in. Mac is already head-over-dick for Dennis. Charlie falls behind.





	/silverfuck

"New kid! New kid! New kid! New kid!"

"Come out here so we can  _fight!"_

Mac and Charlie stood outside the moving van that had stopped across the road. Charlie was loudly clapping, chanting, and Mac had already gotten his shirt off. This was part of initiation, which Mac and Charlie had just invented now. Psycho Pete would love this shit. Too bad he was bedridden. "Come on, pussy!"

First the mother stepped out. An absolute MILF. Charlie would be willing to take a boat ride on that rack any day of the week. She sure seemed liberal about dressing herself. It was like she was  _trying_ to seduce high school students. Despite Bonnie having openly breastfed Charlie until age 11, he never got sick of thinking about lady boobs. She looked at the two, eyeing them up and down like a hawk preparing to descend on two fish.

"Well hello there."

Mac's been staring too. He blinks.

"Uh, hi."

Then out stepped the man. Presumably her husband. He was old and short. Looked more like a comedian than anything else.

"Frank," The lady spoke. Her voice was smooth. "I'm introducing myself to our neighbors."

"Yeah? Better not  _fuck 'em_." The man, presumably named Frank, grumbled and shuffled off into the newly bought house. The lady rolled her eyes.

"He's just in a mood. I'm Barbara."

She came way too close, and put a hand on Charlie's shoulder. Charlie's face heated.

"I'm Charlie. Kelly. I live across from you."

"And I'm Mac!" Mac butted in, overexcited. "I'm a few blocks over, but me and Charlie are bros, so I basically live here."

"Well isn't that nice." Barbara smirked a bit. She looked like she was about to speak, when two more came from the car. Two kids, about Charlie and Mac's age. The two remembered their initial plan and ran over to them. A boy and a girl. The girl looked like a robot. "Oh!" Barbara followed them, walking like a cat. She held the two new kids by their shoulders. "Why don't you two introduce yourselves to Mac and Charlie, hm?"

"I'm Dennis." Dennis was tall, and skinny. Great. When would a midget move in so Charlie could stop feeling so fucking short? Dennis sniffed. "You... you smell like raw sewage."

"Uh, yeah. I was looking for treasure in the pipes."

Dennis and Barbara both wrinkled their noses. Barbara walked away, leaving them all to their own devices with a pat on the back. 

"I'm so sorry about him," Mac spoke. "I'm--"

"What do you mean? We do that kind of thing together all the time. Quit prostating."

" _Prostrating_ ," Mac motioned, "and YOU do that. I don't."

It was obvious Mac was into this Dennis kid. Dennis rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." Dennis grunted. The girl spoke up.

"I'm Deandra." She had braces, and you could  _hear_ them. "Call me Dee. We're twinsch."

"Well, uh, I'm Mac, he's Charlie. What say you we show you around while they unload your gear?"

"What about initiation?" Charlie whined.

"Dude, we can't."

"Faggot."

" _Charlie!_ " Mac lightly punched him in the shoulder. Dennis and Dee were both staring at the two like they each had a third arm. "...Come on, let's go into town." They began to walk. Dennis and Dee followed, wordlessly. How were their footsteps so quiet? "So, what're you guys into?"

The two remained silent.

"Birds." Dennis finally mumbled.

"Aw, sweet!" Charlie shouted. "I love birds! Y'know I speak three different dialects of pigeon? I can do Philly, Brooklyn and London pigeon. Also a little bit of Manhattan." Dennis gave Charlie a weird look, like he was insane. Mac cut in to clear away the tension. Always there for him, in the end.

"He's way into animals, he can do bird calls."

"I don't like them like that." Dennis responded. Dee piped up.

"He'sch a  _freak_."

"Dee." Dennis only had to say her name for her to shut up. Girls were so weird. "...I just think they're interesting to look at."

"Fair enough." Mac nodded. "I look at a bird or two every now and then."

"Yeah, I see birds like, every day." Charlie added. Dennis wrinkled his nose.

"Look, before we do anything, can this weirdo go take a shower? We're not that far from your house and you actually smell like shit."

Charlie froze up a bit, and looked at Mac. Mac shrugged.

"I mean, you don't wanna get poop diseases."

"I've had e-coli before, it wasn't that bad."

Dennis looked even more horrified.

"Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with you? Go clean yourself, you animal." Charlie's face burned bright red. He tapped Mac on the shoulder.

"Can we just talk over there for a sec?"

Mac nodded, and the two stepped away from their new 'friends' for a moment. Charlie felt like he was about to cry, like a glass ball was lodged in his throat. They built enough distance to keep the twins from hearing them. "Dude, this guy's an asshole."

"Yeah, but like. Doesn't he  _seem_ really cool?"

Charlie grimaced.

"No, he seems like a fucking dill-weed."

"All cool people are dill-weeds, Charlie. This could be our chance to get in with the cool crowd. This guy's probably gonna have like, tons of friends!"

"Not the sister though."

"Oh yeah, no. She looks like a robot."

"Right?! Okay, I'm fine. Reassure me."

"Charlie can do it."

"I'm the Greenman!"

"Yeah! Now go shower!"

"Okay! I'm gonna shower the living shit out of myself!" He said the last part a bit too loud, causing Dennis and Dee to stare. Mac gave them a thumbs up and Charlie ran off to go clean himself. Thankfully, his mother was asleep, so he wouldn't have to worry about her asking him about his day. He quickly hopped in the shower, turning the water up high with his clothes still on. This way him  _and_ his clothes would get clean. He was out of shampoo, at least, aside from the flowery crap his mom used, so he washed his mop of hair using a bar of soap. 

He hopped out, but now his clothes were all heavy with water and slipping off of him. He ended up just hanging them to dry and throwing on some gym shorts and a t-shirt. No underwear. He then ran back out the front door, and...

Mac and Dennis were gone.

Dee stood there, picking through the grass. Charlie walked up to her.

"Hey, where'd Mac and Dennis go?"

"Oh, uh." She looked around. Like she was nervous about talking. "Dennisch schaid you're a schmelly troglodyte and then convinsched your gay friend to go with him alone. They ditched me."

Charlie's face fell. He didn't know what a troglodyte was, but it didn't sound very good. "You can schtay with me and look'it bugsch though."

"I'm going to my room."

Charlie stormed off, close to tears.

-

Mac was easily forgiven after that. Maybe too easily. But they were the Freight Train, no way was a little rift going to break them apart. Dennis became a mainstay of their friendship, though, as did Dee, whether they liked it or not.

"So what do you do for fun around here."

"Oh, uh. Well me and Mac like to--"

"It's Mac and  _I._ "

"...Uh, okay. Sure." Charlie rolled his eyes. "We like to go to the roller rink nearby."

"Oh fuck yeah, dude. Skateworld. They have the best milkshakes."

"I don't  _do_ skating." Dennis spoke, with a hint of egotism. "And I don't do milkshakes."

"Oh." Charlie lowered his eyes.

"Yes,  _'oh'_. You'd ought to consider cutting down on said milkshakes, Charles."

"Don't call me Charles."

"I'll call you what I damn well please."

"No you w--"

Mac cut in.

"Alright! No Skateworld. That's fine. There's plenty of other things to do here. Like, uh..." Mac looked to Charlie.

"Sometimes we like to go bathroom hopping."

"Yeah. That- that's just when you jump around to a bunch of different public bathrooms and write something in each one."

"You know, I think I might need some friends who don't do things that are so gross." Dennis tapped Dee's shoulder, like he was planning to leave. Mac sprung into action.

"Nononono! Here, alright. What do you like to do?"

"Is there a mall here." Dennis stared at his nails.

"Oh, yeah! We can go there. I'm not big on shopping th--"

"Well  _I am._ Be more hospitable, we just moved in and all you ever think about is yourselves? For shame."

"No, uh, we'll find a way to enjoy it. Right, Charlie?"

Charlie nodded.

A mistake, really. It wasn't very fun.

-

"Hey, Grub, try this."

"Don't wanna," Charlie whined. His stomach burned. He'd eaten  _way_ too much paint. Adriano was waving something in front of him, something that smelled funny. Charlie's head was swimming. He'd been huffing glue, too. For hours. He felt ill.

"Come on, you slit your wrists all the fucking time. Little bleach won't kill ya."

Charlie swallowed. He was being stared at. "Come on. You literally only eat garbage, it'll be fine."

"It'll be funny!" One of his friends tacked on.

"Yeah. You're really funny, Dirtgrub."

Charlie groaned, taking the jug of Clorox that they'd probably stolen from the janitor's closet. This school was absolutely lawless. He took a sip, and it burned all the way down. They were all laughing. Laughing with him! "Holy shit, he actually did it! You're a riot, Dirtgrub! Dare you to do it again."

"My belly hurts."

Adriano was about to speak, when the bathroom door opened. Mac came barreling in, with Dennis and Dee in tow. Dee was like a ghost. Following, but never speaking, never touching anyone or anything. Mac's brow was furrowed.

"Hey! Asshole! Get away from Charlie!"

"Oh, great.  _Ronnie the Rat_ is here." Adriano rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go. Seeya, Dirtgrub." The cool kids all evacuated, leaving the four together. Mac's rage became concern, as he attempted to stand Charlie up. Charlie stumbled a bit, leaning against Mac.

"Are you okay, dude?"

"'m sick."

"Yeah, no shit! Bleach can kill you! We should get you to a hospital."

"Mac." Dennis spoke, flatly. "You and I were supposed to go to the mall with Maureen today."

"Yeah, but this is kind of serious..."

"Have you been huffing glue?" Dennis then addressed Charlie. "You're a fucking disaster."

"Why wa'n't I invited t' mall wif' Mac..." Charlie's priorities were clearly out of order. Dennis rose a brow, as if it was obvious.

"Because I don't wanna be seen in public with you? Mac's also a dumbass-" 

"Hey!" Mac quipped, not  _really_ sounding insulted. As if Dennis was joking.

"Yeah. Mac's also a dumbass, but at least he can carry himself in public. You just drank bleach because someone told you to."

"Look, this is all beside the point." Mac adjusted himself, to hold Charlie up a bit better. "We gotta get Charlie home. I'm gonna stay with him, 'cos he's my best friend and looks like he's dying or some shit."

"You're not staying all day. We had plans." Dennis crossed his arms. "Leave Dee with him if you have to."

"You schaid I wasch coming with you!" Dee shouted. Dennis smacked her arm.

"Well this is  _clearly_ an emergency. And if Mac wants someone to stay with Charlie, it'd have to be you."

"Uh. I guess he'd rather be left alone."

"See? You're making yourself look like a psycho, now Charlie thinks you're gonna murder him."

"No, it's just... His mom is kind of weird about girls coming over."

"Here's an idea." Dennis smiled. "What say you I postpone our date with Maureen, and I take care of him?"

"Really? You'd do that?" Mac smiled back. Charlie was convinced Dennis had an ulterior motive, but couldn't convey it in words with his jaw all slack and fucked. Dennis nodded, clapping a palm on Mac's shoulder.

"I feel like Charlie and I haven't been as close as we could be. It'd be a good chance to bond."

Mac signed Charlie's life away, like a fucking idiot.

-

"I feel like we haven't been getting along." Dennis grinned, sharklike, as he sat in a chair a little ways away from Charlie. He'd done a good job. Gotten Charlie into bed, dropped a bucket next to him in case he vomited. "Why don't you tell me about yourself, Charles."

"I'on hafta tell you jack."

"Oh, come on. You know I'll find out anyway."

Dennis stepped away. Charlie craned his neck, trying to see what he was doing. He heard a drawer open. "A-ha. This is..." Dennis grumbled and stepped over, holding Charlie's journal. Charlie's eyes widened, and he swiped for it. Dennis pulled it back. "Calm down. We're just getting acquainted. Would you help me with this?" Dennis opened up to a random page. "I can't read these fucking hieroglyphs."

"Iss' not that hard t' unnerstand."

"Can you read?"

Charlie balked.

"Of- of course I can read."

"Then why are you writing in pictographs? Not even children do that."

"Be... because I wanna."

"I mean," Dennis shrugged. "don't think I haven't noticed how the teacher never calls on you to read stuff. Or how you always ask Mac to read your homework assignments for you. I'm a lot more  _perceptive_ than you, Charles. I'm assuming you don't know what that means. It means I can look at you and know things about you from stuff that seems completely unrelated." Dennis snorted. "I don't even really  _need_ to read your diary, but it'd be fun, wouldn't it?"

"Go away."

"Nonsense. Mac would have me flayed if I left his sick  _'bro'_ all by himself." Dennis balanced his cheek on his palm. "You wanna know what I know about you?"

"No."

"Well, I want you to know." Dennis was like a tiger descending on its prey. "You wear those thick bomber jackets all the time, even in summer. It's because you're a cutter, aren't you?" Charlie froze up, tugging his blankets over his head. "Not to mention all the loose razorblades in the bathroom. I wonder if your mother knows."

"Don' tell'er."

"You have pica. In your living room your mom is keeping self-help books about caring for a child with an eating disorder, and you constantly eat non-food objects."

"Shut up!"

"And this drawing is of two people having sex. One is distinctly smaller than the other." Dennis held the journal open, circling his finger around the crudely-drawn humping figures. "And considering how fucked you are now, I think it's safe to say you were moles--"

**_"Go away!"_ **

Charlie grabbed a pillow and threw it at Dennis, who didn't even bother to move. "You're wrong! 'bout e'rrythin'!"

"If that is true, take the jacket off." Dennis reached out for it. "Sleeping with that thing on... it's filthy."

"Get away from me."

"What? Scared I'll see your scars, or scared I'm going to rape you?"

Charlie's head hurt. "You not taking it off only proves me right."

_"MOM!"_

Dennis froze. Bonnie immediately ran in, terrified. Charlie smirked. He could play the game, too.

 


End file.
